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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26666569">the flickering light in lana's cell.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilys_bananas_coven/pseuds/lilys_bananas_coven'>lilys_bananas_coven</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Asylum</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Asylum, Awkward Conversations, Bananun, Bruises, Cold, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Innocent Sister Mary Eunice, Late at Night, Medical Torture, Non-Consensual Electroconvulsive Therapy, Psychological Trauma, Suffering, Suicidal Thoughts, lana must be protected, mary eunice too, pepper is a bean</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:20:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,073</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26666569</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilys_bananas_coven/pseuds/lilys_bananas_coven</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There was light in Lana's cell, but it flickered. Still, it was a lot better than nothing- so much better, that it could bring Lana to tears. </p><p>or</p><p>Sister Mary Eunice had mercy on Miss Winters because no one else did- because to her, Lana wasn't the sick person people saw her as. To her, Lana was a tortured soul in need of a haven, and some part of herself felt that way too.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Arthur Arden/Sister Mary Eunice, Grace Bertrand/Kit Walker, Kit Walker (American Horror Story) &amp; Lana Winters, Sister Jude | Judy Martin &amp; Lana Winters, Sister Mary Eunice/Lana Winters, Sister Mary Eunice/Pepper</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoberLenaM/gifts">SoberLenaM</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Comicbooklovergreen/gifts">Comicbooklovergreen</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello everyone! Sorry it's taken me a week to upload another work on here; uni is kinda killing me hhhh. Lana is a precious bean and Sister Mary Eunice captivated me from the very start of Asylum. Their characters never really aligned on the show but there is so much room to explore what their relationship could've been like if Mary Eunice didn't become the devil; to me she seemed like the only mildly merciful person in Briarcliff because she was just so naive. Here goes!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>           Days felt like nights in Briarcliff. Sure, she could see the light of day in the common room, breathing cigarettes one after another in a feeble attempt to numb herself. But in there, any semblance of hope that dawn often brought to her soul was non-existent. Anything good, anything at all, was now nothing. There was no hope in the haunted walls of a place Lana once thought would be her greatest story. There was nothing for her now. Death was a mercy she could not yet afford, but she made sure she was saving up for it. One day, one fine day, she’d pull it off; her masterplan. Dying on its own was relatively easy, but dying after getting the closure she deserved was not. Dominique never once wavered, the only soundtrack to any thoughts in Lana’s electrocuted brain, mind still trying to recover from the aftershocks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana inhaled the last of her cigarette, sucking the poisoned smoke as hard into her body as she could, as if the effects would linger for longer if she did. Her temples throbbed, ugly bruises on either side of them on display for everyone to see. She wished she could forget yesterday. But somehow, even as she sat completely still, the memories of her violent convulsions haunted every fiber of her being. It was like her body still lay strapped to that fucking trauma chamber. Thinking about it brought tears to her eyes, though it was nothing new. Lana found that her face was rarely seen without tears streaking down her cheeks. She sniffled, pressing the lit end of the cigarette into the metal ashtray. The scary men in white herded all the inmates up to take them back to their cells. Sister Jude watched Lana with pure evil in her eyes, hands locked behind her back as she stood aside for the inmates to pass. Beside her, a timid Sister Mary Eunice briefly met Lana’s expressionless, yet immensely pained gaze. She quickly looked down, hands fidgeting. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Night fell on the hell that was the asylum like a shroud of terror, nestling a little of itself in the bones of every inmate, and perhaps even the people who were cursed enough to work there. Distant screams of pure agony and insanity often rang through Lana’s ears in place of the one godforsaken song that looped in the common room. The slightest sound had her body freezing up in fear, eyes wide. Steps echoed outside the thick metal of her cell door. Visibility was low, with only the little barred window for her to peer outside with. She often saw nothing when she tried, despite the flurry of different noises; metal clanging, heavy footsteps, harsh whispers, cries. Perhaps they radiated from the very walls, since the silence itself was loud. Lana found that curling into herself and crying until she passed out was the only way to get some sleep, but it never stopped her from waking up throughout the night anyway. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana shivered, freezing in her own skin when her eyes shot open at another sound. It could’ve been a scream, hut she wouldn’t have been surprised if she was really starting to see and hear things. She panted, trying to catch her breath from the unknown terror that stole her the air from her lungs. Tears stung at her eyes, an almost comforting feeling, purely from how familiar it was now. Knees hugged to her chest, she leaned back against the concrete wall by her mattress, hiding herself from the world around her for a while. Her hair, greasy and tangled, curtained her face, strands sticking to her teary cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Miss Winters?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was a soft whisper, hushed, worried. Lana thought of ignoring it, her mind still trapped in its fear-induced haze. But it didn’t sound like Sister Jude, and there weren’t many nuns who handled inmates. Slowly, she lifted her head from between her knees and chest, eyes trying to focus on her surroundings. It was so, so cold. Tears still blurred her vision; she blinked them away, searching for the small window of her cell door. Beyond it, she barely made out the figure. The blonde bangs were the only giveaway that it was Sister Mary Eunice, if her eyes weren’t playing tricks on her. She frowned, not a word passing her trembling lips. The figure became clearer as she stopped crying, confused by the presence of the nun at her cell at such an ungodly hour of the night. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Miss Winters, I- may I come in for a moment?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was extremely strange that the nun was even there, and for her to have the courtesy to ask if she could come in? She wanted to come in? Lana blinked in disbelief. The thought of being in trouble for saying no briefly crossed her mind, and she nodded, unsure. The nun had even waited for her to respond. Lana could barely remember the last time someone displayed any kind of respect for her boundaries; she didn’t have the luxury of that here. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Th-thank you, I- this will be quick,” Sister Mary Eunice muttered, almost to herself, looking back and forth along the corridor before fidgeting with the door. She was nervous. Lana wondered if anyone knew she was here. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sister Mary Eunice let herself in with all the grace of a very, very nervous bride of Christ. Lana raked her eyes over the woman, wondering what could possibly happen now. She had always seen the nun as timid, but she’d never seen her so fidgety before. Maybe Sister Jude had just put her up to something cruel. Lana steeled herself at the thought. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?” she croaked, voice wavering slightly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The blonde nun’s eyes widened slightly, meeting Lana’s dark stare. She then smiled, moving her arm out from behind her back. In her grip was some kind of fabric, folded and grey in colour. She held it out to Lana, taking one cautious step closer to the inmate who sat on the mattress. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a blanket. Dear Pepper was crying again so I was just with her, and then I remembered that you’ve lost a lot of weight. You can’t possibly be keeping warm when you’re all bones, so I found this in the store room. I- I just hope Sister Jude won’t notice, as I- I didn’t ask her first,” Sister Mary Eunice broke into stutters by her last sentence, something Lana noticed she often did. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Of course, no act of kindness would ever find its way to Lana unless Sister Jude had </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do with it. With shaky hands, Lana reached out, allowing herself the blanket from the nun before her. Her fingers pressed against the soft fabric, softer than anything she had felt in this place. The blanket was thicker than she had expected, and she already felt warmer just from holding it. Her teary eyes met the nun’s as she looked up, disbelief painted on her features. How was this happening?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sister Mary Eunice only smiled, nodding encouragingly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be accountable if Sister Jude doesn’t want you to have that, but… I just hope she wouldn’t be so cruel to take it away from you,” she whispered, looking down at her feet. She felt nervous under the gaze of Lana’s dark eyes; the inmate had been through enough and it was clear she didn’t trust a single person who worked in the asylum. Mary Eunice didn’t blame her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you. So… there’s no catch?” Lana asked, voice hoarse from exhaustion.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“C-catch? What do you mean by that?” Sister Mary Eunice asked, head tilted in genuine confusion. Lana huffed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know. Sister Jude isn’t spying on me somewhere, waiting to see if I’ll make a move on you? Because I… suffer, as you all like to say, from just loving who my heart desires?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The coldness to Lana’s tone is unnerving, but Mary Eunice can’t bring herself to blame her for it. Before she felt the need to be so defensive, she was hurt beyond imagination. Lana’s admission to this place was not fair, just like most of the other inmates here. Mary Eunice’s heart had sunk when she found out about how Sister Jude had gotten the ‘sapphic reporter’ into one of these haunted cells. She couldn’t bear to be in the room when her superior teamed up with Dr Arden to administer the electroshock therapy; she had seen it done only once before for another patient and decided she’d never see it again. Surely, that kind of torture went against God’s word? In her heart, it just didn’t seem human. Where was the mercy?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“N-no, Miss Winters. She doesn’t even know I’m here. I’m sorry you’d think that,” Sister Mary Eunice muttered, guilt glazed over her words like syrup. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana shook her head to herself, cradling the blanket into her arms. She couldn’t wrap her head around such an act of kindness, couldn’t wrap her head around someone in this hell actually caring about her. Sister Mary Eunice surely lived up to the word of God; she seemed to be the only one who showed mercy, and Lana was aware of how dearly she took care of Pepper. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I… I don’t remember the last time someone actually cared about me. I’m not used to that anymore,” Lana whispered, closing her eyes, face buried in the blanket’s warmth.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mary Eunice felt her heart twinge with guilt as she watched Lana bask in the luxury of such a basic necessity. How could Sister Jude treat her this way? She may have been sapphic, but weren’t there worse crimes in the world? Mary Eunice knew in her heart that God could forgive Lana. She felt fear bubble in her insides, and the ghost of a sting on her bottom at the thought of her consequences if she ever said these thoughts aloud to Sister Jude. The woman was so unforgiving that Mary Eunice pitied the nun, deep down; as a bride of Christ, she had it all so wrong. Jesus did not preach torture. The bruises on Lana’s temples were large, and they looked painful to the touch. Mary Eunice simply could not imagine the amount of pain the poor woman was being forced to go through.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Miss Winters, I hope you’ll believe me when I say I- I do care about you. I’m… painfully aware of the way patients here in Briarcliff are treated. I don’t always support certain… treatments, that Sister Jude or Dr Arden like to administer, but… well, I- I don’t have much of a say about things,” Sister Mary Eunice spoke, nodding affirmatively, as if to remind herself of her place.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana looked up at her again, cold hands buried under the blanket. She searched for something, anything in the nun’s eyes to tell her what her words didn’t give away. Swirling in her azure orbs was… purity, innocence. Like her soul was untouched by the evil of the world, and she did not know the truth about people; she didn’t know that human beings were tainted with ill-intent and negativity. She held a look one would only find in a young child, but never an adult, never anyone who had lived a day in the real world. Surely, she had seen a lot in this place, so how did she remain so pure? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I appreciate that… Sister. I see the way you take care of Pepper, like she’s not a monster,” Lana said, steadily holding the nun’s almost refreshing gaze. She hadn’t seen such innocence in longer than she could remember. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Pepper has real remorse in her eyes. She cries for that dead baby nearly every night, and I… well, sometimes I don’t think she really did it. She couldn’t have, she loves that poor soul more than anything,” Mary Eunice’s voice was reduced to a whisper, unshed tears shimmering in her eyes at the thought of poor Pepper. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana’s eyes widened at the sight. Sister Mary Eunice stood, shrunken into herself as tears filled her eyes, looking small in her habit. She had never realised just how much Pepper meant to the nun until now. Real remorse. If Pepper really hadn’t done it, then the poor soul was trapped here for absolutely nothing. Even Lana felt her own heart constrict at the thought of such an innocent soul spending eternity in hell on earth. Cautiously, she stood, wanting to get a closer look at the nun who didn’t seem to be okay at that moment. Mary Eunice’s head jolted up to meet her eyes, fearful. She shuffled back, muttering a series of apologies that Lana could barely make out. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sister, are you okay?” Lana asked, hesitantly stepping closer to the nun.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I- I’m- yes, p-please don’t tell Sister Jude, please- please don’t tell her-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I won’t, Sister. I won’t, calm down,” Lana whispered, Mary Eunice allowing her to come closer. She carefully reached out, placing her hand on the nun’s clothed arm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mary Eunice didn’t know why she was suddenly so emotional. Pepper held a special place in her heart, and thinking of the cruel injustice she had to face almost always brought tears to her eyes. Lana’s situation also rang in her head; the ‘treatment’ she was being subjected to was terrifying. Mary Eunice couldn’t handle such scary thoughts in her fragile mind. She knew how wrong it was of her to be in an inmate’s cell at such an hour, standing so close to her. But she couldn’t help the comfort she felt in Lana’s touch on her arm, as if bringing her back to reality. Sad, dark, cold reality. She sniffled, wiping away at the tears on her face and attempting to compose herself. A forced smile made its way to her lips, and she gathered the courage to meet Lana’s gaze that had surely been trained on her the entire time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I’m okay, thank you. Sorry for this, Miss Winters. I just… let my emotions get the better of me,” Mary Eunice breathed, noting how Lana was quick to retract her hand from touching her. Her body almost felt cold at the loss of contact, leaving her mind confused. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t look well, Sister. Would you… like to sit?” Lana asked, hesitant as she stepped aside to allow the nun a way to her hard mattress. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If she was being honest, Mary Eunice did need to sit down. Her legs were shaky, and her mind was not in the right place. God knew what time it was by now, and she hadn’t slept a wink. Crying often disorientated her. But the crippling fear of Sister Jude, or Dr Arden, or even one of the guards passing by and finding her in Lana Winter’s cell… it was too much. She shook her head softly, fixing a smile onto her lips as she looked over at Lana.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I really should head back to my quarters, Miss Winters. But thank you. Have a good night,” Mary Eunice spoke softly, heading for the door before the latter could respond.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana stared dumbfoundedly as the nun glanced back a last time before shutting the door behind her. She wouldn’t forget this encounter, recent memories playing on a loop in her head as she settled back into her uncomfortable bed, now with a warm blanket to accompany her to sleep. Sister Mary Eunice was like a light, brightening her depressing cell even if only for a brief moment. The darkness consumed her as soon as the nun had left, leaving her to fend for herself again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But there had been light. There had really been light, just for a little while. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Two nights passed in complete darkness. Sister Jude had either let it slide, or simply not noticed a blanket of such high quality in Lana’s possession. She figured the nun hadn’t noticed; she was practically put on this planet to make Lana suffer, so there was no way she would’ve let her keep such a thing. Both Mary Eunice and Lana thanked their own lucky stars for this. Mary Eunice believed that God would forgive her for lying that the blanket was from the storage room when it had actually been a spare from her own quarters. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana held onto a cigarette, inhaling its thick smoke into her lungs. Beside her was Kit, doing the same thing. She found some solace in sitting by him, not talking much. He was possibly the only other inmate here who could understand her, understand the excruciating injustice and the pure terror of being in here. He was protective of her, and in a way she was of him too. She knew he was Dr Arden’s little test subject, the thought of which made her stomach churn. That man was sick. She had seen him loitering with Sister Mary Eunice a few times, and that made her insides burn with something she wasn’t so familiar with. Did such an innocent nun like her really know of the shit Dr Arden was up to? Was she supportive of him, or just clueless? Seeing him loom over her with his lanky, disgusting body made her fume. She hadn’t forgotten about her encounter with the nun, or the fragile purity swirling in her irises, blue in colour. Kit had told her enough about Dr Arden to make her want him dead, not to mention he was the one who partnered up with Sister Jude to strap her to a chair and zap her with electricity. She felt… angry, seeing Sister Mary Eunice so close to that man, smiling shyly at things he said. But there was no time to dwell on her own thoughts, with Dr Thredson approaching. Lana braced herself for what she hoped would do her any kind of good. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana lay on her hard mattress that night, dried tears on her cheeks. Dr Thredson and her had completed their first session of aversion-conversion therapy. To say it was traumatising was an understatement. She didn’t know what to do with herself, or if she would prefer to be dead at that moment. It was hopeless and she knew it, but that didn’t stop it from etching itself into her memory in the worst ways. Every time she swallowed she could almost taste her own vomit. Every time she closed her eyes she could see the pictures, the inmate who had volunteered to help, the look on Dr Thredson’s face as she tried to force herself to reach an orgasm. It was humiliating, scary, and painful. Nothing about it was humane and Lana felt like dying. How had she allowed that to happen? How had she allowed herself to end up here, stuck in a fucking mental asylum? A sob wracked through her frail body. She curled into herself, trying to disappear into the blanket she had been gifted. Her insides were hollow, not having had any food after throwing her guts up over and over again. Her lips were chapped and dry, eyes burning from too much crying. Everything hurt. She wished she could just forget it, like a vivid dream fading away in seconds the moment you wake up in the morning. But this was a nightmare, and you always remember the nightmares.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Miss Winters?” called a soft, timid voice. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mary Eunice only found out what Lana’s aversion-conversion therapy had consisted of after it was completed. She felt sick to her stomach when Sister Jude relayed the events to her with a smile on her face- that woman was evil. Dr Thredson was evil. Everyone was evil. How could they have done that to Lana? She had just cried in the comfort of her quarters, simply from feeling so powerless, before she collected herself and wore her habit again to go and check on Lana. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana peeked out from under her blanket, squinting at the window of her cell door. She was trembling, and she said nothing. Mary Eunice worried even more, hesitantly unlocking the door. She stepped inside and closed it behind her as quietly as she could. Lana stared blankly at her approaching footsteps, strangely soft against the concrete floor. Sister Mary Eunice knelt down in front of her, tilting her head to try and find her eyes. Her heart sank at the lost, hopeless look in the poor latter’s eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know about what you had to go through today, Miss Winters. I brought you something to drink, you need to restore the fluids you lost,” the nun spoke in muted tones, holding a tumbler in one hand. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana made no attempt to move, but she held Mary Eunice’s gaze. She was listening, but she was drained, too drained to move. She took in the sight of golden hair, most of which was hidden under the coif of her veil. Her bangs rested neatly on her forehead, and the rest was tucked away neatly. The nun let out a soft sigh of pity. She set the tumbler down in favour of helping Lana to sit up. The older woman gripped her arms weakly in an attempt to hold herself up, but Mary Eunice did most of the work, helping her head rest against the wall. She reached for the tumbler again, opening it. Steam rose from the top. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s warm tea with a little honey to help you get your energy back. Here, have a sip,” Mary Eunice whispered, holding the tumbler against Lana’s parted, chapped lips. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana allowed herself a small sip. It was indeed warm and sweet, like liquid comfort sliding down her throat, raw from all the sobbing. She perked up almost immediately, now able to hold the tumbler with her own hands. They snaked around the object, brushing against the nun’s warm hands with their icy touch. Mary Eunice gasped softly at how cold they were. Without thinking, she placed her palms on top of Lana’s hands, warming them with her skin as well as the heat from the tumbler. Lana shuddered at the action. She brought the tumbler up to her lips again, the nun’s hands still enveloping hers and helping her hold onto it. Little by little, she sipped and swallowed until every last drop of the sweet beverage was gone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There we go. You’ll be feeling better when you wake up tomorrow, Miss Winters,” Mary Eunice smiled, carefully easing the empty tumbler out of Lana’s hands.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t wanna wake up tomorrow,” Lana muttered under her breath, and whether or not she meant for the nun to hear it, she did.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Miss Winters… don’t say that. God has a wonderful plan for you,” Mary Eunice whispered, comforting her in the only way she knew how to sound neutral. How badly she wished she could speak her true thoughts; Lana deserved someone to be honest with her, at the very least.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sister, I don’t want to burst your bubble. You’re so… so innocent, and pure, and it beats me how you’re still like this even after everything you see in this place. If there really was a god, why would he put me through this? Why would he make me suffer so much that I- that I’d rather die than live through another day of it?” Lana whimpered, eyes pleading with the nun. Tears streamed down her cheeks again, and Mary Eunice felt her heart break.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Perhaps the greatest sin of all was the doubt Mary Eunice felt once too often. She questioned the realness of God, and the existence of Christ. How couldn’t she, when her job was to watch innocent people like Lana, suffer so painfully? Was this really what God had planned for Lana? Or was there no God? The thought of that impaled Mary Eunice; she couldn’t imagine what her life would be without having the scaffolding of religion she clung onto removed from her mind and body. Lana had been through enough, and she still had more coming for her. Did she really deserve it, just because she enjoyed the company of the same sex? It couldn’t be. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hurt panged through Mary Eunice’s chest at Lana’s words. Of course, she thought that she was innocent and naive like everyone did. People often mistook her optimism for stupidity. She hadn’t done a lot of things, nor did she know how others worked, but she was aware. She was always aware, and it hurt that Lana couldn’t see that. But what had she been expecting? She couldn’t blame the latter for a single thing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I may not… I may not know a lot of things, but I- I am not dumb. I am just hopeful, Miss Winters. If I may be honest, though, having hope feels like more and more of a sin every day…” Mary Eunice muttered, looking down at her fidgeting fingers. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana felt a wave of guilt wash over her. It was clear that the nun’s little bubble had already been burst one too many times now. She had just added to the count. The latter looked so… so hurt, by what she had said. Lana was not used to situations like this, but she recalled that their last encounter had also been filled with untamed emotions. She cautiously reached out, her hand landing itself on the nun’s arm, just like last time. She looked down at her frame, knees against the concrete floor like a statue. The nun stared at the touch on her arm, remembering the last time she had been in this cell in the shadows of the night. She let her eyes roam to meet Lana’s. They weren’t so devoid of emotion like before. There was a hint of something she couldn’t quite place her finger on. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t think you’re… stupid. You’re just- you seem pure. The world hasn’t tainted you with darkness like it has the rest of us. I can see it in your eyes.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With Lana’s voice lowered to a whisper, and her hand still touching her arm with an unfamiliar gentleness, Mary Eunice could only nod. She didn’t quite know what the latter meant, but she somehow believed it to be true. Perhaps she was naive and innocent, after all. Lana’s words didn’t hurt this time, instead soothing over the sting of her previous statements. What could Lana see in her eyes? She wished to know. She wished someone would tell her what she looked like to them; maybe it’d help her find herself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Miss Winters-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Lana. Call me Lana, it’s okay.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A blush rose to the nun’s cheeks for reasons she could not comprehend.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“L-Lana, if I may ask you something…” she breathed, trailing off to await a response. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana, intrigued, nodded slowly. The nun was not acting like her usual self; she hadn’t acted like her ‘usual self’ the last time she was here, either. Something about that piqued her interest for the nun, who was starting to seem like a lot more than she put on display. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You said… you can see it in my eyes? What-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A loud bang echoed through the corridor just beyond Lana’s cell door. Gasping softly, Mary Eunice stood up in a hurry, collecting her empty tumbler. Panic washed off of her frame in waves, her eyes flitting around nervously from Lana to the door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I- I have to go. No one can find us like this. Rest well, Miss- Lana.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before Lana could take another breath, Sister Mary Eunice was hurrying out of her cell, quiet as a shadow despite her clearly panicked state.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Just like that, the light was gone, and her cell went dark again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>One more night passed in darkness. Lana lay awake, eyes unblinking as she stared at the ceiling. Her mind ran its course thinking about the sweet nun who had given her the blanket that was currently draped over her body. In a way, thinking about the woman was her only form of an escape now. There wasn’t anything else remotely pleasant for her to dwell on but the blonde’s timid demeanor and gentle smile. She was the only one here who had some mercy, and it was welcome. But Lana never dwelled on that too long; it was something that could be taken away too easily for her to start relying on it. Her mind couldn’t help but bask in the foreign feeling on nights like this, when she was exhausted and alone with nothing else to comfort her but the memories of something nicer, unable to fall asleep. Part of her felt guilty that she found herself thinking of the woman who used to be her lover less and less now; but she couldn’t bring herself to try much harder when it felt like she had been abandoned by Wendy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sister Mary Eunice seemed to have a somewhat decent relationship with most of the staff, from what Lana could see. The guards and men in white that Lana hated were all respectful of her. She looked close to Dr Arden at times- too close. Lana never missed the way the nun would shift and back away from him when he was too near, clearly uncomfortable with his physical advances. The sight made Lana’s blood simmer under her skin. She was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>nun, </span>
  </em>
  <span>for god’s sake. Was the man that unable to keep it in his pants? He was a psychopath. Sister Jude, on the other hand, clearly had Sister Mary Eunice dangling from her fingers like a little puppet. The older nun was always harsh on her for every little thing and everyone could see that Sister Mary Eunice physically cowered when she was near. Perhaps it was a mixture of respect and pure, unadulterated fear she felt towards the woman. Lana wondered if Sister Jude used the canes in her cupboard on the fragile nun; it didn’t seem so impossible. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Like clockwork, Lana’s mind traced over everything she knew about the younger latter. She had heard inmates talking about her age before; she was most likely 26. How many years had she been a nun for?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mary Eunice resembled a doll in some ways. Her skin looked like porcelain, pale and spotless, stretched perfectly over high cheekbones and sharp features. Her lips were a pale pink, face barren of any makeup in abstinence of mortal pleasures. Still, she looked ethereal. It was as if every strand of her blonde bangs was arranged, one by one, to rest where it did against her forehead. And her eyes. Crystal clear was her every intention, swimming in deep pools of piercing blue. When they shimmered with tears, even in the dark of Lana’s cell, they looked like diamonds. Lana wished she could see more of Mary Eunice, more of what was hidden behind her rosary and habit. To imagine such an innocent flower like her blooming into her most raw and real form seemed unreal. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mi- L-Lana?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana felt like she was dreaming. Timing was a strange thing indeed, as if it planned to align with her thoughts on this unsuspecting, sleepless night. She shot up from her lying position, making her way to her cell door. As if she could let the nun in herself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sister,” she whispered, eyes desperate to see more of the blonde on the other side.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mary Eunice quietly let herself in, absently wondering why Lana was so active at such an hour. As she turned from the door, she was met with the latter standing right in front of her. Though her first instinct was to back up, she didn’t. Lana was… pretty. She was pretty, in the darkness of the confined space they stood in. She was pretty, with her dark eyes staring intently into soft blues. Mary Eunice felt her body heat up under such an intense gaze, breaking away as she looked down, fidgeting with her fingers. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you here for this time?” Lana finally spoke, after what felt like minutes of complete silence. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“H-huh?” Mary Eunice stammered, panic evident in her rapidly shifting eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The first time, you gave me a blanket. Then you brought me tea. What about now?” Lana asked, and if the nun wasn’t listening so intently she would have missed the slightest lilt to her tone. Teasing, almost. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I- um, well…” </span>
  <em>
    <span>am I enough of a reason on my own?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay if you don’t have an excuse this time. I won’t tell,” Lana breathed, cigarettes and an unfamiliar hint of smugness brushing across Mary Eunice’s face. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The strange change in Lana’s demeanor had Mary Eunice reeling. She had completely forgotten about what Lana was like before she was admitted into Briarcliff; their interactions were too brief. But Lana Winters had indeed been a confident reporter, eager to get her scoop of the story before she became her own main character. Mary Eunice wasn’t expecting to ever see that again, but hints of it shone from the tormented woman in that moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like to sit?” Lana spoke, walking to her bed and shooting the nun a questioning look. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This time, Mary Eunice couldn’t exactly decline. Not when she had properly planned to visit Lana without a single reason other than the fact that she wanted to see her, and she didn’t quite know why. Timidly, she made her way to the single-sized mattress on its rusty bed frame, and sat down at one corner. She collected her hands neatly in her lap, legs pressed together as if to make herself smaller so she’d take up less space. Lana watched, head tilted slightly while she took in all of the nun’s smallest mannerisms. Then, she sat herself down beside the blonde, leaving a few good inches between them. It was not enough for their scents to stay their own, cigarettes and musk fusing with the pleasant, feminine smell of Mary Eunice. While Lana tried to commit the scent to her memory, Mary Eunice occupied herself with wondering how many cigarettes the inmate had smoked on that day alone, scared to let herself get carried away in the strangely lekker moment. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sister?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?” Mary Eunice turned slightly to face Lana, unprepared for the close proximity.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The other night, you wanted to ask me something,” Lana spoke, staring straight ahead at the concrete wall in front of them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh…” Mary Eunice felt heat rise to her cheeks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t remember? Something interrupted you,” said Lana, now searching for something in the latter’s eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I- I do. It’s a peculiar question, so maybe I shouldn’t,” Mary Eunice muttered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ask me.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nothing could have prepared Mary Eunice for the look Lana was giving her, like she had reached in and dug out the deepest, darkest thoughts that plagued her sleepless nights, peering right through the open doors of her heart. It was so unnerving, so scary and disconcerting. So intoxicating. How could someone’s eyes on her make her feel such a way? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wh-what… what do you see? When you look into my eyes,” she whispered shakily, unable to compose herself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana was mysterious. From her expression that lacked any kind of giveaway, to the sheer darkness of the shade that painted her irises, Lana wore a shroud of something unknown to Mary Eunice. It was just as scary as it was intriguing, and perhaps it was what had her sitting on the woman’s bed, in her cell at an ungodly hour of the night. An oddly welcome fear settled itself in the pit of her stomach- or was that excitement?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Before I answer that, could you answer one of mine?” Lana spoke, her gaze never wavering. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mary Eunice could only nod.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“When you’re with me, are you afraid?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mary Eunice blinked, breathing unevenly. To say no would be lying, but only partly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do I scare you?” Lana continued, enunciating her words with practiced ease, “Are you scared that you’ll get my… condition?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There were no longer any sane thoughts in the nun’s poor, overwhelmed mind.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it contagious?” she asked, voice barely above a whisper. Her eyes never left Lana’s. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Can you feel the way I do right now?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At the clearly loaded question, Mary Eunice grew more nervous than she thought was possible. Heat filled her cheeks with a pretty shade Lana unfortunately couldn’t enjoy, due to the darkness of the room. But maybe she could, if she got a closer look. And maybe she was getting a closer look, because she was leaning in, just barely, and Mary Eunice was making no attempt to escape from it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think it is,” she breathed, lower lip trembling as Lana drew closer and closer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you should let me make sure,” whispered Lana, lips ghosting over the latter’s.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And as wrong as Mary Eunice knew it was, she couldn’t. She couldn’t say no, nor did she want to. In her heart, it was very clear that she craved what she knew was about to happen, even if she had never done anything like it before. This was foreign. It wasn’t okay. Nothing was okay, but it was what she wanted. She nodded.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana absently said a small apology in her head before she inched closer, shrinking the gap between Mary Eunice’s mouth and her own. Maybe it was to god, or to Wendy, or to Mary Eunice herself, because a part of her was convinced nothing good would come out of this. But nestled in another chamber was the littlest sliver of hope, like she held an unlit match and the woman whose lips she was about to taste was the flame. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Who ever knew the sheer </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrongness </span>
  </em>
  <span>of something could make it so very intoxicating, with effects worse than that of any drink or drug? Lana swallowed the soft gasp from Mary Eunice’s lips before even an inch of the world around them could hear it. Mary Eunice could barely form a coherent thought, not knowing how to move. But Lana took the lead with such ease, guiding her lips with her own in a way that made her wonder, somewhere at the back of her mind, just how many times the woman had done this. She saw it as a form of power, that Lana knew exactly what she was doing, while she herself was completely clueless. Somehow, she didn’t really have a problem with Lana having that power over her, parting her lips slightly to accommodate more of the woman. She was nervous. Scared. And she was enraptured with a feverish flurry of emotions she could not yet decipher, but she just knew she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted it. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lana didn’t mind the latter’s lack of movement against her lips at first. She clearly hadn’t done this before. Something about being the one who took that slice of innocence from the nun intoxicated her, and she devoured it. Carefully, she placed a cold hand on Mary Eunice’s jaw, tilting her face slightly to allow them more of each other. Mary Eunice made her first real move, pressing her lips harder into Lana’s. Lana trailed her fingers along her jaw, gentle but clearly in control. She slowly parted their faces when the latter began to breathe unsteadily, in need of air.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Mary Eunice could compose herself enough to open her eyes again, she was met with Lana’s, wide open with wonder. She couldn’t wrap her head around what she had just done. How? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Light,” Lana whispered, fingers still ghosting over the nun’s jaw.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Mary Eunice breathed, exhaling softly against Lana’s lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When I look into your eyes, I see light.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. fuse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lana makes a promise to Mary Eunice that fills them both with hope, even in the darkest of places.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hiiii :) i'm so sorry this took me so long, i've been insanely busy with uni and finals are in less than a month :'( anyways I tried to get into the same headspace as i was in when i wrote the first part but i'm not quite sure if i did it right,,, this was what i ended up with, though. it wasn't meant to have a second part but i felt like gifting the sweet commenters on it hehe. enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mary Eunice knew, she knew things would go wrong in the worst ways possible the very moment she allowed herself to be kissed for the first time. But Lana had taken her virgin lips with such tenderness, such care and such warmth that while it was happening, the world around them did not seem to exist. If she had one wish, it would have been to stay in that moment for as long as her heart desired. She played it back, pressing rewind every time the memory ended to relive it again, tears streaming freely down her cheeks in the comfort of her quarters. Her mind could not do justice the realness of when it had actually happened, but the memory was all she had. It was all she had of the one night she allowed herself to lack inhibition, the one night she allowed herself to feel, no matter how wrong it was. It didn't feel wrong. </p><p>Three nights had passed. It was dark, so dark. Lana had never felt more alone, ever since Sister Mary Eunice left her room after they had been so intimate with each other. The nun was very blatantly ignoring her in every way she could. She no longer lingered in the common room to monitor inmates during the day. Her eyes were always downcast wherever she trailed behind Sister Jude, not once looking up even when Lana was practically right in front of her. One night, though Lana couldn't be sure, she thought she had seen the nun walk right past her cell in the dead of night. There was no real indication except a flash of her seemingly glowing golden bangs. Perhaps she had been taking care of Pepper. But she wasn't going to take care of Lana, not anymore. </p><p>Lana should've known better than to let the heat of the moment dictate her decisions. God knew how long she was going to be trapped in this godforsaken place, and ruining one of the only good relationships she had built was surely going to make her stay much harder than need be. But Mary Eunice… she had wanted it too. That night, they were not an inmate and a nun in an unforgiving world. They had just been Lana and Mary Eunice, craving intimacy from each other in the safety of the shadows. Why couldn't it be that way forever? </p><p>Sister Jude was a spawn from hell. The irony in that statement alone made Mary Eunice's head throb. But there was no better way to put it, now. Not when the woman was flashing her true colours, yet again. </p><p>"Sister, are you sure it's advisable for Miss Winters to have electroshock therapy three days in a row? I-it's way over her official prescrip-" </p><p>"Sister Mary Eunice! For how long more are you going to defend that- that putrid lesbian?! She has not made any progress according to Dr Thredson, and her attitude could use a buffer while we're at it," Sister Jude scoffed, occupying herself with arranging her canes the way she liked to see them. </p><p>"...Sister, I understand Miss Winters is still displaying… sapphic behaviour. But I just don't feel it's right to do this to her. It's… it's torture, and she will be more damaged than anything. The Lord won't allow me to support this," Mary Eunice finally spoke after long moments of hesitation. She found herself a little proud at her lack of stammering. </p><p>Sister Jude finally tore her gaze from her cabinet of canes. Her head turned in a slow, threatening manner, gaze hardened with scrutiny and anger. Mary Eunice nearly faltered, but she reminded herself over and over again to steel herself for this. She had the Lord's strength to carry her through this one thing she could do for Lana. </p><p>"Tell me, Sister. When did you grow so fond of that lesbian, huh? You refuse to watch when she gets her electroshock therapy. You allow her the easiest duties in the kitchen. And do not for one second think that I haven't noticed one of your blankets lying in her filthy cell. I know that was your doing. I said nothing to give you a chance to confess your little secret to me. You did not. And now you are trying to stop her from getting the treatment she deserves? Sister Mary Eunice, is there anything else I should know about?" </p><p>Mary Eunice's heart sank to her stomach. The blanket. Jude knew about the blanket. And she hadn't said anything, waiting for some kind of confession? Why was she doing this? Mary Eunice was at a loss for words, not expecting this response from her superior. Her mouth closed and parted repeatedly, like a dumb fish out of water. She willed herself not to cry at the absolute failure of her attempt to stand up to Judy. This was not over and she had no idea how to get out of being put under the woman's frightening spotlight. It wouldn't end well, no matter how she tried to play it out in her head. </p><p>"I asked you a question, Sister," Jude snapped, and it was then that Mary Eunice realised the presence of a cane in her hands as she began to circle around her like a starved shark. </p><p>"I- n-no, Sister Jude. I just thought that this new treatment schedule would be a bit too much," Mary Eunice whispered, head down to avoid the older woman's rage-filled eyes. </p><p>"And what do you have to say about the blanket that you have given her?" Jude asked, her tone devoid of any empathy whatsoever. </p><p>Mary Eunice said nothing for a long moment. </p><p>"I- I found it in the storage-"</p><p>"It is from your quarters." </p><p>"-room." </p><p>There was no hope now. </p><p>Mary Eunice nearly jumped the gun, bending herself over Judy's desk as the instruction barely left her lips. She knew she had it coming. Her eyes squeezed themselves shut, goosebumps erupting on her skin as her superior raised the skirt of her habit, exposing her plain white panties. As the older nun tugged them down harshly, faded scars resided in the soft skin of her bare ass from lashes in the past. The lines were thin, tinted a pale pink against her porcelain skin. Sister Jude paid them no mind. If anything, perhaps she was proud to see the scars she had left on Mary Eunice's body. She seemed twisted enough. </p><p>Without so much as a warning, the heavy cane came crashing down against Mary Eunice's bottom, eliciting a pained mixture between a whimper and a scream. Her hands balled into fists atop the desk, turning white. Tears streamed down her cheeks, having squeezed themselves through her shut eyes. She heard Jude huff behind her. </p><p>"Shut your mouth! You deserve this. You lied to me and you lied to God. At this rate, you're not getting into heaven, Sister," Jude growled.</p><p>Her breath fanned against the back of Mary Eunice's neck as she leaned down, the coldness of the cane resting against the fresh lash it had created. Mary Eunice bit her lip until it bled to muffle her cries. She could barely catch her breath before the cane smacked down against her naked skin once more. Her lip stuck out from between her teeth at the impact, sending the smallest splatter of blood onto the desk from how hard she bit it. Her cheek was surely turning pink from being pressed against the wood for so long. Tears and snot glistened on her cheeks and lips. She couldn't dare say a word. I deserve this. I deserve it. I have sinned. Please forgive me, my Lord. Please, have mercy. I've done wrong. I'm sorry. </p><p>Sister Jude was frighteningly silent, not giving Mary Eunice any kind of indication of what she was about to do. How very cruel of her. The fresh bruises and cuts on her ass remained exposed to the cold air, making them burn even more. Mary Eunice blinked. Sister Jude brought the cane down on her again. The impact knocked all the air from her lungs, and she gasped against the wood of the desk, hands grasping for something, anything. There was nothing. I deserve this. </p><p>"Three lashes. Do you suppose that's enough for your mistakes, Sister?" Jude asked, tone dripping with condescending sarcasm. </p><p>Mary Eunice didn't know how to respond. Somehow, she knew that no matter what she said, Jude would not relent just yet. And she was right. Before a single word could leave her lips, the cane thwacked loudly against her reddened, bruising skin. </p><p>"That should do it. Sister, you must realise this unruly amount of mercy I have on you. Four lashes for such a great headache you've caused me? I should be giving you twenty," Sister Jude scoffed, setting the cane down onto her desk, "Unfortunately I am a busy woman, busy picking up the slack of certain slow, stupid nuns who work under me." </p><p>Though she often heard such harsh words from her superior, they never failed to nestle themselves like nails in her heart, bleeding with hurt. She's right. I'm stupid. I'm nothing. Why am I so worthless? Why can't I be good? </p><p>"Leave at once, Sister. And make yourself presentable. Lana Winters will undergo treatment as I have ordered. If you wish to give attention to such a crude individual, you can do me a favour and make sure she misses dinner if she so much as breathes the wrong way," Jude snapped, and with a wave of her hand, Mary Eunice was scrambling to tug her panties back on, wincing as the fabric came into contact with broken skin. </p><p>Retreating to the safety of her quarters, Mary Eunice locked her door before she allowed herself to break down in violent sobs, unable to even make it to her bed. She curled up on the dusty hardwood floor, struggling for air. Gasps and chokes ripped through her throat, lungs burning from the lack of oxygen her body was receiving. How did she allow this to happen? How could she let Lana suffer even more at the expense of her own failure? Dear Lord, please give me the strength to protect Lana. Please grant her mercy and protection from the harshness of Sister Jude's insistence. Please allow me to feed her regardless of the way she acts. Please, please help me. The start of Lana's three days of electroshock therapy would begin tomorrow. If there was any last thing the nun could do for her, it was to warn her of what was to come; no one else had the decency to. Wiping the tears and snot off her face, she drew the sign of the cross, praying for a chance to see the inmate tonight. </p><p>Lana wasn't quite sure how to keep track of time anymore. It was 'bedtime' at 9:30pm sharp, when all the inmates were sent back to their cells. But for how long she lay in the dark, blank eyes staring up at an equally blank ceiling, she could never tell. Exhaustion marred her features, leaving her looking a decade older. Her hair was greasy and matted, brunette locks sticking together and flattened against her scalp. The bags under her eyes only grew heavier with each sleepless night that passed in her cell. Her body was scrawny from not getting any proper meals; she kind of knew Sister Jude's prejudice against her was so extreme that she received less to eat than the others. She didn't mind it too much, since the food they were given resembled vomit in more ways than it resembled actual food. Despite it, she was indeed losing more weight, ribs fixed shallowly under her thin skin, vertebrae pointing out along the line of her spine. Cigarettes were the only form of an escape she could find, though she had smoked so many that she was starting to need more and more to feel any kind of numbing effect from them. When she did, it just wasn't enough anymore. It wasn't. Looking back on her uncountable days at Briarcliff, the one time she had truly felt free, even if only for a moment, was when her lips were on Sister Mary Eunice's- as if they'd been transported to a different plane of existence while they touched so intimately. But the more she played the memory back in her mind, the more of it chipped off, becoming fragments she could not remember. Why wasn’t there a way to immortalise such a divine experience? </p><p>Lana hated to admit what Wendy was slowly turning to in her mind. She was in love with her; she didn’t think anything would ever change that. But the woman was becoming more and more far away from her, like sand slipping through her fingers. The last of her face she’d seen was from that picture Dr Thredson had found in their home. Without it, she was on the brink of forgetting how the love of her life looked. The electroconvulsive therapy did nothing to rid her of her sexual preference, but it certainly muddled everything else in her brain, including her most treasured memories of Wendy. Hand in hand with the only woman she truly loved was an unbridled anger. Unless something gravely wrong happened to Wendy, to Lana, it felt like abandonment. Wendy loved her kids; teaching was in her blood, along with the blooming love and affection she had toward the children despite none of them belonging to her. Lana knew Wendy valued her job more than most things; she had done it time and time again in the past. If, for any reason, her job was threatened and it had anything to do with Lana’s admittance to Briarcliff, Lana couldn’t say she would have been the favoured choice without wavering with doubt. Something about that thought made her sick to her stomach, despite the hesitant truth behind it. Did Wendy really let this happen to her? Was there nothing she could've done? Truly? </p><p>Hands threading through greasy hair, Lana tried to soothe herself and her mind of such thoughts. Doubting her girlfriend while stuck in a place unreachable to the rest of the world would do nothing to help her survive. She rubbed at her face, clearing the sticky tears that were starting to dry on her cheeks. Her thick blanket lay in a bundle beside her, becoming more of something to hug than something to wrap herself in for the night. Sinking her face into the fabric, she breathed in, like if she tried hard enough, she'd smell something other than Briarcliff. Nothing else filled her senses. She sighed into its softness anyway, relishing in the one luxury she'd been granted. She couldn't feel Sister Mary Eunice on her lips no matter how she tried to make that memory her reality once again. </p><p>"L-Lana?" </p><p>At the familiar voice, Lana whipped her head up so quickly it was one muscle away from snapping. Sister Mary Eunice was indeed on the other side of her cell door, as if she heard Lana calling for her in her mind and came running. Her eyes were red-rimmed, blond bangs not as neat as they usually were. Her lower lip trembled, parted as she seemed to want to say more. Lana approached her carefully, raising a hand to the small cell window. Mary Eunice shifted for a moment, unable to look the inmate in the eyes. Lana furrowed her brow, but the latter eventually made a move to let herself into the cell. Stepping back, she gave the blonde space to enter and close the door behind her. She noted a bag in one of the nun's hands, following it as Sister Mary Eunice raised it to eye level. </p><p>"Molasses bread from today's batch. I- I know Sister Jude still won't let you eat properly," she finally spoke, reduced to a hushed whisper. She refused to meet Lana's eyes. </p><p>Lana carefully gathered the sacred package into her hands, still eyeing the blonde with curious eyes. </p><p>"Thanks. I was starving," she mumbled lowly, but made no move to begin eating, or even to sit.</p><p>"O-of course. Please, eat," Mary Eunice forced a smile onto her mouth, forced herself to look up at the inmate. Her watery eyes gave away whatever she may have been hiding. </p><p>"Sister, are you okay?" Lana asked, hesitant to reach out and touch her, though her hands ached with the urge. </p><p>"Me? I- yes, yes of course. I- I'm fine, Lana, please eat," Mary Eunice pleaded, crying freely now. Her whole body trembled.</p><p>Setting the food down on the bed, Lana finally reached out to the latter. She stepped closer, cautious arms gathering the body against her. Mary Eunice lost control of herself, breaking into Lana's body with violent sobs. She tried her hardest to muffle them, but they were loud. Lana held her tighter, running a hand up and down her back while the other cradled the back of her head, under her veil. </p><p>"Hey, shh… shh, it's okay. It's okay," Lana whispered, hushing her with the gentlest of tones. </p><p>"L-Lana, no. It's not, they're- they're going to hurt you even more," Mary Eunice managed through her trembling lips, clinging to the inmate for dear life. She had quietened, but she was no calmer than before. </p><p>The words were frightening to hear by nature, but Lana found herself wondering why Mary Eunice was so shaken instead of fearing for her own circumstances. She allowed her mind to settle on worrying about the latter, if only for tonight. </p><p>"It's okay, Sister. Don't cry, I'll be fine," Lana mumbled, hoping she sounded confident enough to comfort the nun, "c'mon, sit down." </p><p>At first, Lana couldn't figure out why Sister Mary Eunice was so hesitant to sit down, if not for the possible fear that they'd escalate like they had the last time. But Mary Eunice whimpered audibly when her bottom touched the hard mattress, and Lana could piece that together. Her blood boiled with fury. </p><p>"Jude," she seethed, "Jude caned you." </p><p>Mary Eunice's eyes widened, still teary as they met Lana's narrowed, enraged eyes. She had hoped she could hide it, but Lana was smart. Looking down, she twiddled her thumbs in shame. </p><p>"I- I deserved it," she muttered softly, sniffling, "I went against her word, a-and God's word, and I- I lied." </p><p>Lana shifted closer to the nun, facing her as she faced the wall in front of them. Hesitantly, she touched Mary Eunice's cheek with her cold fingertips, guiding her to face her. Uncertainty swam in her azure orbs, fear, softness. </p><p>"I don't think anyone's ever told you that no one deserves to be punished like that. You don't deserve it just because you had a different opinion from hers. You don't deserve it no matter what you do," Lana spoke, and though it was quiet, it had finally regained its assertiveness.</p><p>"B-but I lied, and- and lying is a sin," the nun whimpered, guiltily seeking comfort in Lana's hand on her cheek.</p><p>"What did you lie about?" Lana asked softly, unsure if the latter would even be willing to answer. Worth a shot. </p><p>At the question, Mary Eunice's cheeks reddened. She thanked God for the darkness of the room, but Lana could feel the skin heating up against her palm in the slightest. </p><p>"The… the blanket." </p><p>Lana raised her eyebrows. </p><p>"Sister, I think God would forgive you for an act of kindness. There isn't even anything to be forgiven," she tilted her head, and despite herself, a ghost of a smile formed on her lips though the nun couldn't see it. </p><p>"I- I didn't get it from the storage room. It's… it's m-mine."</p><p>The blush on Mary Eunice’s face had spread to Lana’s. Her mouth parted, no words coming out. Why? Why would she do that? Why would she go that far for an inmate, and for Lana of all people? She blinked, trying to process the new information, hand falling slowly from the nun’s cheek. At the loss of affection, shame filled Mary Eunice’s body. She looked down, nervous for the inmate’s reaction. This wasn’t part of the plan.</p><p>“Why? I- I don’t understand... Why would you do so much for me?” Lana finally asked, voice barely above a whisper. Her brows were furrowed, genuine confusion drawn into her features. </p><p>“I- I can’t- I don’t know, I’m s-stupid… I’m sorry, Lana,” Mary Eunice whispered, twin tears streaming down her cheeks.</p><p>At the word, only sounding harsh coming from the nun, Lana was quick to place her fingers along the base of her jaw, guiding Mary Eunice to look up at her. Her blues shone with tears, dimmer in the lack of light in Lana’s cell. Still, they looked striking, as did every feature on her face. She was incredibly beautiful; Lana wondered if anyone had ever told her that.</p><p>“You’re not stupid. Did Jude tell you that? She’s ruthless, Sister. You mustn't listen to her when she says mean things to you, okay? None of it is true,” Lana murmured softly, their faces just inches apart but unmoving. </p><p>Mary Eunice, unsure of how to respond, could only nod, entranced by Lana’s voice and their bodies so close all over again. She could not bring herself to create space between them, despite the nagging voice at the back of her mind; it kept getting softer and softer, like their moment was slowly overpowering any coherent thought her mind could come up with once again. Her tears were wiped away by Lana’s cold thumbs, face cradled in her hands. She felt safe when Lana was close, though she couldn’t explain why. </p><p>“L-Lana, am I… is there something wrong with me?” she asked, having gained the courage to speak after long moments of silence. </p><p>“In what way?” Lana tilted her head. Her expression was gentle, patient. She cared. </p><p>“Am I wrong for- for wanting to be close to you?”</p><p>Lana was silent, trying to find an answer to the nun’s question that she would be able to understand. Some things weren’t so easy to talk about to a bride of Christ, despite their strange circumstances. </p><p>“Some people would think so. If no one had a problem with it, then I wouldn’t be trapped here, and innocent people wouldn’t be getting killed,” Lana smiled sadly, and despite her evident hopelessness Mary Eunice was struck by her lips curved upward.</p><p>“Lana, Sister Jude… she wants to administer more of your therapy. She’s going to hurt you,” Mary Eunice whimpered, and for the first time that night she initiated the contact first, throwing her own arms around Lana’s smaller body. </p><p>Lana understood now what the nun had meant by what she said earlier. For whatever reason, she couldn’t find it in herself to grow fearful, surprising herself. Perhaps it was the pair of warm, clothed arms around her, and the golden bangs tickling against the skin of her neck, and the hushed cries echoing in her ears that stopped her from becoming even more miserable than she already was. Sister Mary Eunice was in more distress than she was, and if she had eyes and ears, this one encounter already told her enough about the nun to know that she was not the only one who needed to get out of here. She had to get out of here. And… and by god, she had to get Mary Eunice out of here, too. </p><p>“Shh, hey… hey, it’s okay. Don’t cry, I’ve got you,” Lana cooed, hushed tones sending warmth straight through to the nun’s bones, whether she realised her effect on her or not. </p><p>Hearing such words was not a familiar experience to Mary Eunice. In her 26 years of life, she could count with one hand the amount of times someone had been so gentle with her, so soft and secure, enveloping her in safety even in such a scary place. Three of those times were owed to Lana. That left one night when she was six, and her addict of a mother had somehow spared her a moment of sanity in the midst of a thunderstorm. The other time was her most treasured moment with Sister Jude, the only time the older nun had truly shown her compassion and taken care of her when she was down with a deathly high fever. Lana had topped every treasured moment in her life with just a few whispers and soft touches, wordless promises that she’d always be safe with her; promises that everyone else had broken. For a moment, she wondered if Lana would one day do the same, but as she cried into her arms she couldn’t bring herself to consider it for even a second. Not when Lana’s arms felt safer than any place she’d ever been in. Not when Lana hadn’t laid a single violent hand on her body, even with her numerous chances to hurt her. </p><p>“Sister, you can’t worry yourself over me like this. It’s going to drain you, and Jude’s not going to stop. Look at me,” Lana mumbled, moving back so the blonde would stop hiding in the crook of her neck.</p><p>“Do you trust me?” </p><p>At her question, Mary Eunice knew she didn’t have to think about the answer. Still, she was silent, wanting to find a way to tell her she did. Timidly, she reached for Lana’s face with her hands, palms pressed against her high cheekbones. With unsure movements, she pulled the woman closer while she inched towards her, and when their lips were less than an inch apart, closed her eyes, whispering, </p><p>“yes.”</p><p>They chased the affirmation with a kiss, and the newness of it all still stunned the nun, absolutely in awe of such a sensation. She plucked up all the courage she had in her body to kiss harder this time, to do everything she had wished she could do the last time. Lana breathed out into her mouth, and they shared the last of each other’s oxygen until they ran out, pulling apart. Their wet lips parted with a soft sound. Mary Eunice was all but a body on fire.</p><p>“Then let me tell you this. I’m gonna get out of here,” Lana rasped, leaning in again, “and I’m taking you with me.” </p><p>Again, it was another promise Mary Eunice found herself believing without a second thought, allowing her breath to be taken by Lana and into the night. They would get out. Together. </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The next nightfall, Lana lay in bed, dazed out of her mind from her dose of therapy for the day. Yet, as she stared up at the ceiling, something seemed to have changed. Something was brighter in the darkness of her cell; almost as if a light had been fixed in for her. It didn’t flicker anymore.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope you liked it :) drop a comment, i'd love some feedback and i'm taking requests &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you enjoyed that! A little heavy, I know, because any non-au Asylum fic is bound to have very dark undertones. Leave Kudos and drop a comment if you liked it, I'll take any Raulson ship requests! I'm in love with them hehe &lt;3 Take care and stay safe, everyone :)</p><p>p.s I made playlists on spotify for my favourite ahs seasons so i can listen to them while i write specific seasons, i'm so proud of that so i just wanted to mention it okay sdjekjfh bye hehe</p></blockquote></div></div>
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